Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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