Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
