what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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