What a fucking waste of an outfit
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
