Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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