I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
