Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
