TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
