Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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