dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
