Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your penis caused this!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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