I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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