Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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