I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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