What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
