Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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