Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
