I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
