Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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