I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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