From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
