well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
