i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
