You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
