Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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