you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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