this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
being pregnant is like rehab
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
