My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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