I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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