so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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