Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
