we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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