Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Will you blow on my dice?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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