everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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