he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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