Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
