Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
