I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning