Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.