yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.