I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.