even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.