I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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