Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
