and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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