Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
