Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
