If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
