im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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