we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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