she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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