Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just pee around me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
