You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
