Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
