At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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