Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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