Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I see more hoeing in ur future
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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