I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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