he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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