morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
