is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
