In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
