You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize