Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
