I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
