So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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