The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
