so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
