I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
