ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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