I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
