READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
