hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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