Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
