I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize