so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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