he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
