don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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