im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
