I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
