dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
