He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
