Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize