i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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