worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
