just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
