Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
